Radical Acceptance: How I'm Learning That Pain + Acceptance = Peace

Sometimes life throws so much at us that our minds start spinning out of control. I’m sharing this blog because I know what it feels like to overthink, to feel anxiety spike, or to wake up at 2 a.m. replaying the same conversation over and over. I’m not perfect, and I’m still learning — but I want to share what’s helping me, in the hopes it might help you too.

Hi, I’m Catrina, and I’ll be honest — I’m an over-thinker. My mind loves to replay conversations, imagine every possible “what if,” and stress about things I can’t control. Sometimes it even leaks out as frustration or lashing out at people I love. Other times it shows up as anxiety, insomnia, panic attacks, or physical symptoms like a racing heart, sweating, or tight shoulders. I’ll lie awake at night, replaying a conversation from hours ago, wondering if I said the wrong thing. If you get this, you’re not alone. That’s what happens to me too. It’s real, messy, and human.

Lately, I’ve been learning about radical acceptance. At first, it sounded simple: just accept reality as it is. Easy, right? Except when you’re in the middle of stress, anxiety, or disappointment, acceptance feels impossible.

A simple way to think about it:

• Pain + Non-Acceptance = Increased Suffering

• Pain + Acceptance = Possibility of Peace or Less Suffering

Radical acceptance doesn’t mean the pain goes away. It won’t erase difficult feelings, but it can soften the suffering, help you respond more calmly, and create space to handle what’s happening. Even small moments of acceptance can make life a little lighter.

It’s basically what we’ve all been told in different ways: let go of what you can’t control and don’t dwell on things you can’t fix. Radical acceptance just gives it a name and a framework — a way to actively practice letting go instead of vaguely trying.

A Perfect Moment

And as I was writing this, my mom sent me her daily scripture text:

“Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.” – Matthew 6:34, KJV

The timing couldn’t have been more perfect. Right as I was thinking about all the things I stress over, this reminder landed in my inbox. Jesus is telling us not to worry about tomorrow — tomorrow will have its own problems. Live life one day at a time. It was like God saying, “Catrina, focus on today. Handle this moment. The rest will come.”

This is exactly what radical acceptance is about — softening the suffering of the present, letting go of what we can’t control, and creating space to breathe, even if the day isn’t perfect.

How I Actually Practice This

Here’s what I do when I feel my brain spinning, stressed, or anxious:

• Start Small (Micro-Acceptance): I pick tiny things I can’t control, like traffic, a long line, or a rainy day. It’s like telling my brain, “Okay, it’s okay. I can handle this.”
  Example: I was running late for class last week. My heart was racing, my hands felt clammy, and I wanted to panic. Instead of spiraling, I took a deep breath, accepted I couldn’t change it, and focused on getting there safely.
  

• Notice When I’m Fighting It: When I catch myself thinking, “This shouldn’t be happening!”, I just say it out loud or in my head. Naming it makes it less powerful.
  Example: I was anxious about a conversation my daughter was having in an important meeting. My chest tightened, and my stomach knotted up as I wanted to jump in and fix everything. I reminded myself that she’s a senior and needs to handle things her own way. Saying, “I notice I’m resisting this,” helped me pause instead of overreacting.
  

• Remember What I Can’t Control: I remind myself, “I can’t change the past or make the future happen right now. I can only deal with what’s here.”
  Example: Sometimes, last-minute changes completely throw me off — someone gives me something to do at the last minute, and my anxiety spikes: racing heart, tense shoulders, shallow breathing. I want to think, “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?!” Instead of spiraling, I take a deep breath, remind myself I can’t control the situation, and focus on what I can do in that moment.
  

• Bring Myself Back to the Present: I focus on grounding myself in my body and surroundings. I feel my feet on the ground and use the 5-4-3-2-1 method: notice five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. Even just a few seconds helps me stop spiraling.
  Example: When anxiety starts building, I focus on feeling my feet on the floor and run through the 5-4-3-2-1 method. My chest unclenches slightly, my mind slows, and I can handle what’s happening instead of panicking.
  

• Take One Small Step Forward: I do something simple that grounds me — writing, editing a blog, sitting in my car and listening to music, or reading. Something that keeps me in the moment instead of lost in “what ifs.”
  Example: I was overthinking about the day ahead, feeling tension in my shoulders and a racing heartbeat. I sat in my car for a few minutes and listened to music. Just letting myself breathe and be present helped me reset for the day.

Over time, radical acceptance becomes a bridge between pain and peace. It doesn’t erase the pain, but it softens it. It lets me pause before reacting, breathe instead of spiraling, and focus on what I can influence — my choices, my actions, my heart.

I want to be honest with you — I don’t have this perfected. This is new to me. I’m a work in progress. Some days I do better than others. And that’s okay. I hope that by sharing my journey, it helps you in your own. We don’t have to have it all figured out to start practicing peace in the little moments.

So here’s my gentle question for you: what’s one thing you’re resisting right now? Could radical acceptance help you soften around it, even just a little?

With acceptance and practice,

Just Catrina