Nurturing Emotional Intelligence in Children

Dear readers,

As someone who’s been around children of all ages—whether parenting, mentoring, teaching, or just being the “go-to” person in the family—I’ve come to believe that one of the most powerful gifts we can give our kids isn’t found in a textbook or a toy aisle. It’s emotional intelligence.

And before you roll your eyes at the phrase (because yes, it’s everywhere), I want to pause and break it down in a way that makes it less clinical and more real life. Emotional intelligence is simply the ability to recognize, understand, and manage emotions—our own and others’. It’s being aware of how we feel, why we feel that way, and knowing how to navigate those emotions in a healthy way. And let me tell you: it matters so much more than we often realize.

Why It Matters More Than Ever

Today’s kids are growing up in a world that’s loud, fast, and always “on.” They’re managing pressures we didn’t even have language for when we were younger—social media comparisons, constant performance expectations, and limited space to simply feel. If we’re not intentional, our kids can grow up not knowing how to express their emotions without fear, shame, or confusion.

I’ve seen it firsthand—in my own home, in schools, and in my community. The kids who know how to name their emotions, ask for help, and manage frustration in healthy ways? They stand out. Not because they’re perfect, but because they’ve been given permission to feel. And that permission is powerful.

It Starts With Us

If we want to raise emotionally intelligent children, we have to model it. And whew—that part right there is hard. Because some of us are still learning it ourselves. I know I am.

In fact, if you asked my teens, they’d probably rat me out in two seconds. They’ve seen the good, the bad, and the “I-need-a-minute-before-I-lose-it” version of me. And honestly? That’s okay. Because I’m still growing too. I often catch myself in moments where I feel like I’ve failed them. There are times I go to bed and replay everything I wish I’d handled differently. But then I remind myself—just like it’s their first time being a teenager, it’s my first time being the parent of one.

There are moments I’ve had to catch myself when I wanted to dismiss a child’s feelings with a “you’ll be fine” or “stop crying, it’s not a big deal.” But for them, it is a big deal. And when we minimize their emotions, we teach them to stuff it down instead of working through it.

Instead, we can try saying things like:

• “It’s okay to feel upset. Do you want to talk about it?”

• “You seem frustrated—what do you need right now?”

• “I feel you. Let’s figure this out together.”

These small shifts help build trust, safety, and openness.

Real Life, Real Lessons

Teaching emotional intelligence isn’t about being a perfect parent or caregiver. It’s about creating space for our kids to be fully human. Some of the most meaningful moments in my life have come from simply sitting with a child while they cried, or listening without rushing to fix it. That presence, that patience—it teaches more than any lecture ever could.

Let’s also normalize saying we don’t know. Sometimes kids ask questions that hit us in the gut or bring up our own unresolved stuff. And it’s okay to say, “You know what? I don’t have the answer right now, but I care and I’m here.”

Practical Ways to Foster Emotional Intelligence

If you’re wondering where to start, here are a few things that have helped me:

• Name the feeling – Help them put words to what they’re feeling. “It sounds like you’re feeling left out. Is that right?”

• Use stories and media – Books, movies, and even cartoons offer great teachable moments. “How do you think that character felt?”

• Create a safe emotional space – Let your kids know they can come to you without fear of being judged, rushed, or punished for how they feel.

• Acknowledge your own emotions out loud – “I’m feeling really overwhelmed today, so I’m going to take a few deep breaths before we talk.” That’s teaching.

Kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be present, honest, and emotionally available. They need to know their feelings matter—not just when it’s convenient, but especially when it’s messy.

The world may teach them to toughen up, but let’s be the ones who teach them that strength includes softness, self-awareness, and empathy.

With heart and honesty,

Just Catrina